Last night while sat at my desk. Working planning creating and figuring things out.
I look around proud of the days events I had driven around town for 2 hours, did a huge food shop, both things I don't usually do.
Many years ago now, I was a passenger in a friends car, and we got into a car accident. I was so shaken by the accident that being in cars after made me very nervous and as a passenger, i would and could see the recklessness of the drivers I had been with (I want to caveat that since then i have since then been driven by quite a few people, but out of them two people, both happened to be women and I felt totally safe with them, one from England and the other from Canada) Everyone else, even if I like them, not great drivers. So it compounded my fear.
I have also driven all over the world, from car camping in Iceland to Car camping in Canada, driving in France and of course my home country of England. But for the last few years I was once again nervous to drive, so my journey of car driving went from building my confidence, right back to where I began. So to share that I drove happily for two hours, without incident, reversed parked, parallel parked, makes my deeply happy!!
I will even do a snow and ice driving course so that I can face another fear of driving on ice this winter!!
So Back to last night, I found myself crying with happiness as it settled in my soul and mind that I was out of survival mode, that I wasn't wrapped in fear anymore and I am walking lighter, moving through world with head and eyes looking forward rather than down.
Survival Mode What is It:
There are so many definitions to what is survival mode and they mostly point to short term thinking, I don't agree, survival mode combined with trauma, can lead you to sitting in fear and worry, also the realities of your life may do that as well, such as an unhealthy work environment, home environment, income insecurity, unhealthy relationships, the list is as long as you are and so unique to you and your own life, for a very long time, years rather than hours. I can see folks like me that is wrapped in survival mode for most of their life, within my own life.
I was there so please know your not alone, as with all aspects of life, I can tell you from experience this is a journey and it does start within, especially when you can't control, change or impact quick enough your external world. From Moving outside of your comfort zone, setting healthy boundaries with others and showing up for yourself, in all the ways that will turn you lived experience's from fear and survival mode to thriving. I thoroughly enjoy sharing the tools that I made for myself to get to here and continue walking the path, so I have made them for you as well!
Ase fellow healer and change maker!